This long weekend, i went up to Kelowna. i was not excited to have to endure a five hour drive up...
and more importantly, i wasn't looking forward to the memorial. My darling grandpa(he's my aunt's father in law...so i guess he would be my distant grandpa)that i only got to see once a year, passed away around christmas this year....and he had a small funeral where not all of the family could be there. so his daughters and sons arranged a memorial where everyone could be there and celebrate his life and also spread his ashes under a blue spruce tree..............everyone cried because he was such a sweet heart to everyone he knew; the world is a darker place without him and i miss him so much. but honestly, i did not enjoy seeing everyone so upset and having to cry when i could have gone to Victoria with my friends for the choir trip and have fun...no tears...no pain...i guess you could say i was in denial. i didn't want to really accept that he had gone...if i didn't see his ashes and gone to the memorial, i could've never felt this pain and loss.
i guess im kinda selfish...i didn't want to see what would prove what i already knew...i did love him so much but i was so selfish that i didn't want to feel pain, so i was resistant in going....instead, i wanted to have fun with my friends and not go to honor his life.....................
i felt bad.
-- grandpa i love you so much...and i miss you every day. i'm sorry you're gone but im glad you're out of pain...